Heart for Haiti

I have reallllly been missing Haiti these last couple weeks! I have been reading through the journal I kept when I was there and looking at all of the hundreds of pictures I took and couldn't help but sob. I miss those kids so much and I can only pray that they are well and happy. My heart is just aching to get back there and these next 4 and a half months couldn't be over soon enough!! I am already starting to collect things that I am going to take over to them and starting to prepare my heart for what is next to come. Such a big change happened in me those 2 weeks and I am ready for what God has to say to me this time. Pray for me and all the others going over there in the next couple months. My dad is taking my youngest sister Cortney in October and all I can say is that I hope she is ready for it. So much to take in and to adapt to in that short amount of time you are there. Keep my family in your prayers also as we are still in the adoption process to bring home Jameson! We have everything completed on our side of things; its now all up to the Haitian lawyer as to how long and how much more $$ its going to take! Really really praying for this constantly! I want him here with us sooo bad! I will keep you posted if we find anything else out!

"Our Provider" album out now!

I am officially published on my church's worship website! We have our first album out on iTunes and it is titled "Our Provider." So excited to have been able to be apart of it! Wrote a little blog about God's provision. Check it out! :)

http://www.ignitionworship.com/blog/our_provider/

Revived

I hate that I haven't been blogging consistently but I am hoping to use this more this summer when I don't have so many things occupying my time! The past few days have been so crazy as I am trying to complete papers and projects for all my classes on top of studying for finals next week- as is everyone else! Summer break is greatly needed at this point.

I have been listening to this song by Christy Nockels pretty much constantly. I love running to it and playing it on repeat on my drives to class in the mornings. The lyrics are so authentic and uplifting. Every time I listen to it I feel so comforted knowing that at the end of the day, whatever life is throwing my way- how big or how small- the Lord will revive me and give me the strength for the days to come.

Here are the lyrics...

You revive me, You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I’ll spend myself till I’m empty and poor
All for You, You revive me Lord

Lord I have seen Your goodness and I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And Your face shines a glory that I only know in part
And there is still a longing, a longing in my heart

My soul, Lord, is thirsty, only You can satisfy
You’re the well that never will run dry
And I’ll praise You for the blessing, for calling me Your friend
And in Your name I’m lifting, I’m lifting up my hands

I’m alive
I’m alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
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So much truth in those words! We are never more alive than when the Lord is in us and working through us. Makes those tough days a whole lot more bearable and my prayer for myself as well as all of you is that we don't lose sight of that when we are going through those storms of life. He is a God of goodness and a God of hope and He will never let us go. We just have to praise Him through those storms and he will surely restore us and give us an unexplainable sense of revival. 

true.love.waits.

Alright, so I have been debating forever whether or not to even touch on this subject but I’ve finally just decided to write it because it is so important to me- especially at this point in my life now. We’ve been talking about it in church recently and Caleb and I have also been spending a lot of time talking about and working on this. I can’t believe I’m putting something so personal out for anyone to read because I know some people will take it the wrong way and judge me but I wanted to put it out there for the few that will actually take something good from it.

Now before I even get too far into this I will go ahead and say that I am not even going to discuss things like my boundaries or what boundaries should be made for others because first of all, I’m not a minister or parent or anything that would give me a place to say so and I still have so much to learn about all of this. Secondly, I am only twenty years old so what the heck do I really know anyways! Lol All I know is that it is something that MUST be discussed with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé, or whatever. And if those boundaries seem like pretty easy ones to keep then maybe you should make them harder. I personally hate boundaries (as does everyone) but they are absolutely necessary if you’re going to be in a pure relationship that is pleasing to the Lord. It takes time to learn how to stick with them and mistakes will be made along the way but with the Lord in the center, it is much much harder to go wrong.

So for a long time I fell into that trap of learning so much about God without really getting to know Him personally. I didn’t even realize what was happening until one day I was just like what am I even doing, what does God think about this decision I’m making? It was then when I realized that not only knowing about Him but really knowing Him is the key to living a pure life. And its not like that’s an easy task by any means! Every single day requires a lot of work but it is so worth it.  When we let Him control every part of our lives- especially this area- it is such a relief to know that we can free of that fear and worry and that God is pleased with our thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

The major thing that I had to come to terms with is that these particular “guidelines” for our lives come from a loving God who knows us better than anyone else and he wants to protect us from our own selfish ways. It is pretty much the same way with our parents. I may not particularly like the rules they set for me but I know that they love me and that they are much wiser than me (as much as I hate to admit it) and that most importantly, they have been in my shoes before and know what certain circumstances bring. When I go against their rules, I feel ashamed and guilty that I let them down. The same goes for God. The guilt we feel (or should feel anyways) when we disobey Him directly impacts our relationship with Him. And I don’t think the fact that we sin is necessarily what upsets Him the most- it’s the fact that every time we sin we fall away from intimacy with Him. So we should obey Him not because we are afraid of what will happen if we don’t, but because we truly love Him and we want to please him and give Him all of our gratitude.

I think- no, I know in order to go against the grain of what is so incredibly prevalent in our culture, we must must must spend time in God’s word and ask Him to purify and renew our minds. There is no away around it if this is what we truly desire. And in a world where sex is just so common and hardly even considered a sin anymore, trying to stick to such strict boundaries that most people wouldn’t even consider can be extremely tough. It totally sucks sometimes to feel like you’re the alone in this but we just have to remember how much better it will be in the Lord’s time- the right time.

Just as a side note: having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who desires purity in the relationship as well makes it a lot easier! Something that also helps and is the most important thing to me is the fact that I can see his (Caleb’s) genuine love for God and I know that God is the center of his life. I love picturing him in his room reading his Bible or when he goes outside to spend alone time in prayer. This is what is most handsome in my eyes. The fact that he loves alone time with God challenges me to love God even more. I truly love him for the God-fearing guy he is J

So to get back on track… haha

A quest for purity has to begin by surrendering our minds and wills to the Lord. It’s a matter of choosing not to rely on our own thoughts but on Christ’s alone. After all, his thoughts are so much higher than ours, and His ways than our ways! We know this is the truth, and the truth is what sets us free!

And just as a disclaimer- by NO MEANS did I write about this to be all like “oh hey, look at me I’m a virgin and I intend to be until I get married and you should feel horrible if you’re not.” No. Not even a little bit. My sins are equal to anyone else’s. Mistakes that have been made can be forgiven and if you want to start all over you can! God would never hold that against anyone if they formed a new mindset and heart and asked for forgiveness. So I'm not trying to belittle anyone or put myself on some sort of pedestal. This has truly been something that I have had to work on and continue to work on daily. I feel like my work is only beginning because it only gets harder the older I become and the closer I get to being married. Trust me, every single time I’m reading my Bible or am spending quiet time in prayer I realize how extremely bad I need God’s grace every day. I am never impressed with myself when it comes to my spiritual life because I feel like I can always be doing better. I just want to be someone who is real, down to earth and serious about God. This blog is just an opportunity I wanted to take to share what I have been learning and things that God has revealed in so many ways.

I really encourage you to read some of these verses because they can be constant reminders of how we are to live! They are some of my absolute favorites!

Ephesians 4:21-24

1 Peter 2:11-12

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Galatians 5:16-19

James 4:8

Hebrews 13:18

Lots of love,

Jordan

A little Valentine's Day fun

What Caleb made for me :) - psalm 34:3

So since today is Valentine's Day (or at least it was when I first started writing this) and I needed a new post anyways I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to talk about my very special Valentine and maybe brag on him a little...or a lot ;) I saw these questions from my lovely friend's Jessi Williams blog and thought they were pretty cute so I stole them- thanks Jess! hehe 

So here they are...

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

Well this is kind of an ambiguous question because I don't even know how long he would say! We dated for a year in high school and about 2 years later we are back together...and its been about 4 and a half months. Feels like a lot longer though! ;)

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

First of all, this is going to be an extremely long answer! I'm first taken back to good ole myspace! haha Since we went to high school together I kinda always knew who he was but I left him a picture comment that pretty much started the whole thing! We started dating after a few awkward months of talking and ended up staying together for a little over a year. We clearly both really liked each other, but we weren't really the guy and girl that we needed each other to be at the time. Its a whole lot more complicated than that but basically we had a lot of growing up to do and a lot to learn about ourselves before we could focus on each other. So I went my whole senior year of high school and first year of college without him. In that time so much happened and we both changed so much. I can't even begin to explain how we ended back together this past fall. It is a long story and I'm not even sure how it all happened, I really didn't think it ever would. I think it finally came down to both of us realizing we wanted to give it another shot because 2 years later we have never let our feelings for each other go. So here we are about five months into this again and I couldn't be happier!

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}

Definitely have never been married but I would not be dating him if I didn't plan on marrying him! :)

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?  If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?

I will definitely get married at my home church in St. Albans. And there is no doubt it will be big! I have a lotttttt of family!

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

I call him Leb and he calls me Jo :)

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

Only 3 things?! I'm not sure I can narrow it down!

First and foremost I love the intimate relationship He has with the Lord. I would never ever date someone who doesn't love the Lord more than they love me. He has such a genuine compassion for the church and he is constantly giving of his time and resources to help make it the best it can be.

Secondly, I love his unwavering drive and determination. He seriously is one of the most motivated people I've ever met. If he says he is going to do something he means it! He accepts what cannot be changed and does the very best he can all of the time.

And third, besides the fact that he is clearly GORGEOUS, he is also extremely talented in so many things. Drumming is without a doubt his most obvious God-given talent. Watching him play drums is one of my most favorite things. I have never met a drummer who is better than him yet he somehow manages to remain so humble about it. He could be playing drums for any kind of band but he chooses to play worship music and he spends countless hours practicing and working with our worship team. He has become a very influential member of our team; he has the most amazing visions for our congregation and I know God is going to lead him to follow through with them.

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?

No proposal yet! haha And I wouldn't dare even mention my ideal proposal because I want him to do it in his own way. He knows me well enough to be able to think of something I will really love and appreciate.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries and rose 

petals?

Well rule strawberries out automatically because he hates them! lol But I would say he is none of them! He is so creative and he will come up with something much better than all of those! I am not much of a teddy bear kind of girl myself but flowers anytime of the year are nice!

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Hmmm...well we don't live anywhere close to the beach and most of the time we are just watching tv on the cough haha BUT when the weather is nice we both really love being outside and doing fun stuff. He pretty much does it all- scuba diving, repelling, jet skiing, snowboarding, hunting, running, paintballing- I think the list is endless! So I enjoy doing any of those with him!

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant other one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I literally have a list of countries that I want to visit and maybe if it weren't so long I'd be able to see them all! But one place I know we are both dying to go is Australia! So I think we'd spend the day sight-seeing and do some scuba diving (as long as there are no sharks) and then go visit Hillsong church! Yeah, that'd be like the best day ever!

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

Well it's technically not Valentines day anymore but unfortunately I was stuck in class until late  evening so he came over when I got home and we exchanged gifts and just had a chill night! Any day I spend with him regardless of what we do or where we go is always a special one :)

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Nope I did not!

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Assuming that God is already at the center of every single aspect of the relationship I think the absolute best thing anyone could do is pray! And I don't mean pray apart from each other or pray silently, I mean get together go somewhere quiet and take turns praying out loud for each other- that your relationship will be pleasing to God and ask for the wisdom and strength to make it so! I remember the first time Caleb and I did this and maybe it felt a little awkward at first but being so open with each other and hearing him talk to God in his own way was the most beautiful, most intimate time we have ever shared together. It truly does do so much for our relationship and I think we need to make it our goal to pray together everyday! You should make it yours too. [Just be smarter than we were because a couple weeks ago we were in the middle of praying and my parents walked into a dim lighted, completely silent room and it was an extremely awkward moment for all of us- especially when they had no clue what we were doing! Haha!]

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So that was kinda fun I suppose! I just am really so thankful to have Caleb in my life. He is everything I could ever need and then so much more. As complicated and emotional as I can be sometimes, he sure is patient with me and he makes sure he lets me know how special I am and how much I mean to him. I could literally go on and on about him but for the sake of everyone else I'll end there and tell him the rest personally :) I hope everyone had a special day, with or without a valentine because really the only true love we need comes from the One whose steadfast love is better than life! (Psalm 63:3) 

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures at the moment...

This was tonight- I made him a candy bar poem!

oh hello handsome, I believe you're all mine :)

He literally melts my heart- every single time.

Cheesy smile!

Salt and Light

I am so excited to finally be writing my first official blog! I have literally been wanting to start one for several months now but I just never got around to it. Lately I have been feeling really inspired though and I know there is no better time to start than now. I am brand new to blogging and I will admit I am kind of intimidated by blogs of close friends that I have kept up with but I will do the best I can! Haha. I am really doing this for myself and if people want to read, that's great!

When I started thinking about what I wanted to name this thing, I really had no idea what I wanted to go for. It was almost like a pressure to figure that out before I could even start blogging! I kind of put it to the side until a month or two ago (when I meant to start my blog hah) I was reading my Bible and this passage stirred something in me..

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill." (Matt 5:13-14 MSG)

I really really love that! I read it almost daily now to remind me what my true purpose here on earth is. We are all given different talents and abilities, different spiritual gifts, but the one purpose we all have in common as a body of believers is so simple- to be bold about proclaiming Jesus' name and not afraid to stand out so that others will see Him shining through us and want the same thing.

Right now I feel like there is a million different things I could say to start out my first blog but thinking about being salt and light in the world gets me thinking about my recent trip to the beautiful country of Haiti. I (along with my dad, sister and 6 others from our church) spent 2 weeks in the almost isolated city of Jeremie, Haiti. I could spend hours writing about all of the things I saw and experienced but I don't think my words would do it justice (and besides I already wrote over 50 extremely detailed pages in my journal about every single day I spent in Haiti and I really don't want to do that again)! Haha

There are, however, several things that I feel like I want anyone reading to really know and understand about my experience there. I don't know what kind of mission trips you have been on but chances are it was not much like this one. I wouldn't exactly say it was what we would call "fun" and it definitely was not by any means easy. Coming from so much comfort and luxuries here in the U.S. to basically nothing definitely gives you a different perspective on your own life.

I knew ahead of time that I was going to get a huge culture shock and going there would make me realize how much I really do have and how little I really need. Of course I realized this- every single day as we went out and drove by people living with basically nothing I sat quietly feeling so selfish and guilty. It did also make me thankful but so incredibly sad at the same time. I didn't understand why these people have to live such a hard life when we are living in such a privileged country with so many luxuries and access to basically anything. If God created everyone of us equal, why does it seem like we are not?

I really struggled with this for the first few days I was there. I spent so much time in prayer and journaling about these thoughts and finally one morning at breakfast it was like my dad spoke the words God wanted me to hear right out of his mouth. He explained that we really won't understand why the world is the way it is and why we have so much and they have so little, but what we need to realize is that these people have just as much access to Jesus as anyone else does and all we can do is cover them with the love of Jesus so that they will know we are their brothers and sisters in Christ and we want to help them in any way we can. I felt so much better after hearing this. I shouldn't be sad about how little they have, most of them are actually pretty happy! Its not like they know life any other way so they don't really know what they're missing. I shouldn't think any less of these people because they have less. My sin is certainly great enough for me to realize that I am in no way shape or form better than any of them.

And just because they are worshipping in a very small and simple concrete room compared to our extravagant, high-tech, multimillion dollar buildings, does not mean they don't experience the very same presence of God any less. Sure, they don't have a talented worship team, expensive lights, big screens or comfortable seats but when they worship, it is truly the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. They are all extremely enthusiastic and so joyful. Even though I couldn't understand most of what they were singing (shouting), I could feel God so close and I know without a doubt that their exuberant, whole-hearted worship makes Him so so happy!

Anyway, I didn't really mean to go off on that long of a tangent but its a major realization I brought back with me that I wanted to share. I also want to say that I have honestly never been more challenged and tested in so many ways in my entire life. God really drilled me physically, mentally, emotionally, and especially spiritually. It seemed every time I got over one obstacle another one was thrown my way. In some of those moments I will say I broke down a little at first. From the near 15 hour truck ride from Port Au Prince to Jeremy (which was VERRRRRRRY uncomfortable and bumpy I might add) to the overwhelming sights we passed through every single day to the church we worked at there, I was completely shocked by it all. So I, being the little journal writer than I am, just had to document all of these "hardships" we endured in Haiti so I think I'll share... :)

Some are more major than others but just to name a few...

- My suitcase fell on en route to Jeremie (unfortunately it had my bible in it)
- [on the way there when you're trying to take everything in while barely having enough energy to hold on for dear life] having to deal with the fact that you could roll right off the mountain and never be seen again was just a little much for me to handle at first (lots of tears for that part of the trip)
- We quickly realized it must have been rainy season after being awakened by a torrential downpour in the middle of the night (when I say we, I really mean the poor guys that were sleeping on the roof and got absolutely drenched along with all of their stuff! Hahaha) It happened multiple nights until finally they all decided to be smart and cram inside!
- Besides the breath-takenly cold showers, it was kind of a hassle to fill up a whole bucket of water and dump it in the toilet just to get it to flush!
- I might as well have set an alarm every morning for around 4am so I would be prepared to hear the roosters crowing to no end! Thats why we went to bed so early!
- No truck ride was ever a pleasant ride...ever.
- As soon as you take a "shower" you feel just as dirty again about 10 minutes later
- Communication is so minimal and it can be frustrating to get them to understand what you're trying to say
- Although we all woke up with them, I think my dad beat us all with dozens and dozens of flea and mosquito bites all over his body (grossssss)
- As if the trip to Jeremie wasn't bad enough, it absolutely POURED on us for a couple hours straight, leaving us soaked and freezing cold with all of our stuff in the back of the truck for the remainder of the trip
- not to mention the almost 3 hour delay due to a huge bus wreck on the mountain, blocking the whole road (thankfully no one was killed)

I know this seems like a lot of complaining from my part and maybe some of it was at one point, but the fact of the matter is is that on any trip to Haiti (with Paul Ronk at least haha), you have to be prepared for just about anything and all of those things I mentioned do not even compare to what these people have to deal with every single day. All of those things just come with the territory and they are all to be expected (we obviously weren't as prepared as we could have been haha). It was sometimes hard not to let the little things like that bring me down but I had to keep reminding myself that I was not on that trip to be comfortable and I knew it was just Satan trying to discourage me. On the way home my boyfriend sent me a verse that summed it all up for me and it is James 1:2...

"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Just when we thought we were done being tested, something else was thrown our way. Despite how rough it was, I truly wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Those tests and trials resulted in much greater strength and perseverance. I feel like that alone was a big reason why I was meant to go on this trip. I learned so much about myself and got a brand new perspective about my life. God revealed Himself to me in ways that I've never experienced before. I am so so thankful for being able to go and be so immersed in their culture and seeing everything first-hand. I will never ever forget the sights (and smells) I experienced. The people of Haiti really have a special place in my heart now and they will never know how much of an impact they made on my life. I can only pray that we were salt and light that Jesus wanted them to see! I cannot wait to go back and see everyone that we formed friendships with again! Maybe you want to come along now too? I hope so!

And that turned out to be so much longer than I expected but if you took the time to read all of my rambling I say thank you! I wish I could tell you every single detail! I am very excited to start blogging more and share with you some of my thoughts and visions. There is something very clarifying about writing out my thoughts when God teaches me something profound. Until next time! :)